FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
March 8, 2018
Contact: John Carroll
Co-Founder of Transgression
Atlanta, GA: Known for generations as being the deadliest captain of the Twenty Seven Seas, Captain James Hook of Neverland announced today that he’s taken up residence in Underground Atlanta, specifically the former location of the famed restaurant, Dante’s Down the Hatch. An unknown number of pirates and captives are accompanying him on the property.
The infamous pirate’s presence was discovered when a WRS, Inc. employee answered a trespassing complaint by an employee of the Masquerade music venue, earlier this week.
Dan, Masquerade sound guy said, “I came out for a smoke break after sound check, and I saw all these dudes outside of the Old Dante’s dressed up like pirates. They were singing songs, drinking from the same jug, and even carrying swords. I thought they were just one of the metal bands playing tonight until I heard someone screaming for help.”
Contacting Law Enforcement proved futile as 911 Dispatch laughed hysterically at a report of pirates living in a pirate ship restaurant.
Captain Hook finally communicated with WRS, Inc. management by leaving a handwritten letter impaled by a gold dagger on the front door of the former restaurant. The message was translated by the Georgia State Linguistics department since it was written in Olde English.
The letter stated:
To whom it may concern,
My quarrel is not with you, but Peter Pan. My residence on your property will be short-lived, as will Pan and his Lost Boys.
I have only taken up refuge here to avoid Peter coercing the Tribe to help him rescue the Lost Boys and the Darling children. Our exodus will be on the first day of next month or sooner if I kill Peter Pan.
Please respect our privacy or I will cut you.
Captain James Hook
APD considered the letter a threat since it was signed in blood.
WRS, Inc. management commented, “Due to renovations of Underground Atlanta and the limited access the general public has to the property, we’ve decided to allow Captain Hook and the Pirates to squat in the space until the end of the month. We still feel that this is some sort of prank, especially with their eviction date being April 1st.”